Bills, Bills, Bills: The weird, delightful, and truly strange

The state legislature is back in session with a slate of serious (we would argue dire) propositions.  In search of comic relief, we’ve decided once again to highlight the bills filed this session that deserve a spot on the blooper reel.  Many of these bills tickled our funny bone, but most of them had us doing a double take – say what now?  If you have any insight, please enlighten us in the comment section below.

Sen. Shortey tops the list with SB 1418, a fundamentally strange bill to ban “food and goods” which contain aborted human fetuses.  Umm, okay.  Rather than pile-on the national ridicule, we’d like to call your attention to a lesser-known Shortey bill.  SB 1749 would limit the state highway system’s use of chemical fertilizers and weed killers to protect honey bees.  Every third mouthful of food we eat we owe to honey bee pollination – worth billions of dollars a year to American agriculture.  Honey bees across the country have been succumbing to a mysterious ailment known as colony collapse disorder, caused in part by the very chemicals SB 1749 proposes limiting.  Bravo.

Sen. Bass thinks teenagers should be required to take a safety course before driving a golf cart on a street or roadway.  Reaching top speeds of 15 mph, with the turning radius of an electric Barbie Jeep, we question the wisdom of allowing golf carts on streets and roadways at all.  But if we must, we suppose there is nothing wrong with keeping the kiddies safe.  Although shouldn’t SB 1356 mandate safety training for all ages to capture those tipsy post-happy hour golfers and anyone with bogey-rage?

Attention sports fans, HB 3078 proposes that persons licensed to practice medicine in another state traveling with a sports team do not satisfy the definition of “practice of medicine” in Oklahoma.  Is Rep. Dorman trying to secure the mother of all competitive advantages?  Imagine how much easier it will be to win once other teams have to check their trainers at the state line.  We’re gonna need him to Thunder Down.

In an apparent sequel to a bill filed last session, we are dubbing SB 1270 the ‘Who Let the Dogs Out Act: Part II.’  If your hunting dogs run off, Rep. Wyrick wants you to be able to retrieve them from private property without being charged with illegal trespass or a hunting violation.  Proceed with caution, however.  If the lawful owner expressly forbids you – orally or in writing – from entering, you had better stay put and try and lure your canines back without trespassing.  We suggest bacon, anything smelling of bacon, or squirrels.

Rep. Rousselot endeavors to create the “Animal Massage and Acupressure Therapy Act.”  HB 2400 would define animal massage and acupressure, set up a training program, and outline certification and record-keeping requirements.  Basically, a new bureaucracy especially for animal massage.  Your guess is as good as ours.

Last but not least, Rep. Williams hopes to legally codify the definition of a ‘canoe’ with HB 3093.  Drum roll please….

“Canoe” means a light narrow boat with both ends sharp and which is propelled by paddling and includes similar craft such as kayaks.

Stay tuned for what is sure to be a weird, delightful, and truly strange legislative session.

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2 thoughts on “Bills, Bills, Bills: The weird, delightful, and truly strange

  1. Oh come on now, surely you don’t actually think that HB 3093 is about codifying the definition of a Canoe? It is about stopping the ridiculous process that the state of Oklahoma has of treating Canoes and Kayaks (even the inflatable varieties) as boats even sometimes charging them a tax because they are “capable” of being propelled by a motor. Ultimately, in OK, you can purchase a $300 canoe that is paddled not motor driven and immediately have to pay $150 to register it. It must be tagged annually just like your car! It doesn’t take much for the taxes to cost more than the canoe. This keeps many recreational boaters off of Oklahoma waters. This law would make these small crafts subject to sales tax instead of “vehicle” taxes. This would make it more affordable for the paddler to use their boat and make Oklahoma a more inviting place for traveling paddlers and the state would actually make more money. It’s a win-win not only for existing owners but for folks who sell them, tourists coming to Oklahoma with their own boats and for the tourism industry in our state that has such an abundant supply of water.

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